I believe every mom deserves a mom retreat. I also think these mom retreats should happen on an extremely regular basis. I’m very passionate about self-care for moms, and it’s one of my favorite topics. Please read on as I share a piece of my personal journey into self-care.

A Tired, Stressed Mom

In the fall of 2015, I was pregnant with my third child. Our family was living in an inner-city neighborhood at that time where we were engaged in full-time ministry for the past ten years.

We were also in the long, arduous process of adopting two children internationally. My two youngest boys were five and seven, and I was a homeschooling, stay-at-home mom. 

Unfortunately, we were a little burnt-out from life in this tough neighborhood. There was always a fine balance between creating a life of safety, security and beauty for my two boys, while trying to engage in practical, neighborly ways with those living on our street and in our community.

Our discontent with the state of the neighborhood was increasing, while our capacity to continue living there was decreasing. Event after event compounded our deep desire to leave: drive-by shootings, out-in-the-open drug use, and frequent cursing and yelling from conflicting drunken neighbors.

That same summer, a home invasion occurred while homeschooling my little boys. Fortunately, we were upstairs and did not confront the individual who broke into our kitchen window, stole a laptop, and slipped out the back door.

It was too much, and I knew our time there was done. We had been there for a purpose for a specific period of time. Nevertheless, we were approaching a new season of our lives, and it was time to move on.

We were approaching a new seasons of our lives, and it was time to move on.

More Changes, More Stress

We made the difficult decision to sell the beautiful home into which we had invested so much blood, sweat and tears (not to mention money). It was a house that we loved, a community where many of our friends lived, and the place where our first parenting memories were made.

It was bittersweet.

We pressed forward, however, looking toward the future for our family and the three children we would add, which would demand so much of our time and attention.

Our house sold in one day, and I was a mess.

I recall calling a friend and literally sobbing so hard that I could barely breathe. Pregnancy hormones and fear of the unknown were in full force. I was muttering urgent prayers that God would provide a place to call home…and fast!

Prayers were answered.

We found a home to rent and settled ourselves just in time to celebrate our 13th wedding anniversary, Christmas, and a son turning eight on my due date. Four days later, our healthy baby girl was born in an easy and (thankfully) uneventful home birth.

Another prayer answered. 

This being my third pregnancy and me a little bit older, my recovery wasn’t as easy as before. I think I spent a month sitting in the recliner day after day, nursing, napping, wondering if I would ever feel like myself again.

And it was January. It was cold and dreary and I felt very isolated. 

A Mom In Need Of Grace And Rest

After a brief break, we started homeschooling again. My patience was fragile. My body was not snapping back as I had wished. I was sleep-deprived from nursing during the night.

In a nutshell, I was not the mom I longed to be. In fact, more often than not I felt like a terrible mom. I was in survival mode. 

I look back now and wish I had known how to give myself more grace.

I look back now and wish I had known how to give myself more grace.

Life didn’t stop its pace. A few years had passed since our initial adoption application had been filed and our home study completed.

Now, as a requirement of the adoption process, it was finally time to make our two-week bonding-trip to Haiti, to spend time with our future daughters.

Our newborn daughter was three months old, and I was still nursing. We could either take our infant with us, or miss two weeks of critical bonding and leave her with grandparents. Meanwhile, the US Embassy was cautioning travel because of political unrest.

We decided to take her. With a three month old baby in tow and plenty of fears and worries about our safety and wellness for the trip, we did it.

Thankfully, it was an excellent trip overall She even slept nearly the entire plane trip there and back.

Another answered prayer.

We returned grateful for many things, but I was also incredibly tired. 

A Mom Self-Care Revelation

Some months after we returned, I had an especially poignant moment with a wise friend. I was feeling dissatisfied with life, myself, my parenting and even my marriage. I felt like I was doing nothing well, just living day-to-day without much purpose.

At one point she suggested I just spend some time with my little one year old daughter, to enjoy her presence and the gift she was in my life. I told her that the thought of having to just sit and play with her did not sound like fun. She thoughtfully paused and said two words that felt like a revelation to me: “You’re tired.”

Not It’s midnight and you need to go to bed because you’re tired. It was the soul-weary, drained-of-life and “can’t see through any of it to the beauty” kind of tired.

Don’t get me wrong, there were many moments of fun. But I was not living life out of a place of much gratitude or fulfillment in my soul. I don’t think the words “self-care” were within a 50 mile radius of me.

Realizing I Need Rest

We talked about the importance of sabbath in our lives. In a religious context, sabbath is the practice of setting aside a day of rest. In my Christian background, this is most often viewed as happening on a Sunday. I was pretty sure I was currently not engaging in much sabbath.

We discussed ways I was lacking in rest and what that could look like in my life. It was a beautiful conversation, and I even took notes. I knew this was what I needed in my life.

Unfortunately, I had words on paper, but no plan. I went on living life not sure that a day of rest could be in the vocabulary for a mom of three, soon to be five.

Fast forward to about a year later.

It was June and time to travel to Haiti again, this time to return with our now teenage daughters! After another week in Haiti (without our infant daughter, but with our oldest son this time) and attending the last appointments to complete our adoption, we arrived home. That began seven of us adjusting to our new normal.

Despite our best preparations, no one can truly prepare for an adjustment that changes your family dynamic overnight. It was a live and learn situation, and I was trying to survive another incredible change in our lives. 

Realizing I Need Self-Care

This is just part of the journey of those two years. There were other struggles and events that were chipping away at me.

I felt myself being drained-mind, body and soul. These were life decisions I had chosen, it was just harder than I could have known.

At this point, my health was suffering. I was so tired that many mornings I would lay in bed wondering when I could find time to nap. Every cell in my body felt tired. I was emotionally drained and spiritually dry. I felt over-loaded and anxious.

Desperately, I needed things to change. I was afraid of what might happen if I didn’t start taking care of my needs and my health. A counselor expressed grave concern for my well-being.

This was the beginning of the self-care that I continually strive to prioritize. 

My first step of self-care began with a naturopath who helped me rebuild nutritional and hormonal deficiencies. My second step of self-care came in the form of what my husband and I started calling mom retreats.

Mom retreats are essentially time set aside for rest; a mom sabbath, if you will.

This was in response to my intense desire to have time where I could just be alone, and not just for an hour or two. I wanted days and nights alone where no one would need anything from me, and I would be free to do whatever I pleased without time constraints, kids in tow, or responsibilities.

I needed time to reconnect to who I was as an individual beyond being a mom of five kids. 

My First Mom Retreat

That autumn was my first retreat. I was going to have two days to myself! I didn’t know what I wanted to do first.

Should I read?

Journal?

Watch a movie?

Go for a walk?

Shower without a child calling through the bathroom door?

It was glorious.

It took some planning to pull it off, and my husband had to carry the load while I was gone. But I’m so grateful and thankful that it happened.

Did I mention that it was glorious? 

Since then, I’ve had a few more mom retreats. Honestly, I’m long overdue (thank you, COVID-19!). I feel a longing for another retreat brewing beneath the surface. 

A small aside: I don’t believe mom retreats can solve everything, or change our circumstances overnight.

I do believe they are an important and even crucial aspect of healthy self-care for moms. They can change your perspective, and grant you quiet and reflective time that allows God to work in your soul.

Sometimes, however, we need something more; several sessions with a great counselor, a trip to the family doctor, an appointment with a pastor, or spiritual director.

Unfortunately, many of us ignore symptoms of fatigue and exhaustion and do serious damage to ourselves.

Are You A Mom That Needs a Mom Retreat?

You have your own story and perhaps we share similar themes. If you’re a mom, it’s highly likely that you’re either tired or exhausted.

Perhaps you’re discouraged and overwhelmed like I was? Maybe you would even consider yourself in a state of mom burnout.

If you’re a mom that’s currently in a good place, that’s wonderful! Incorporating mom retreats would be an excellent addition to help you maintain the healthy rhythm you have right now.

Ultimately, life is full of trial and struggle mixed in with beauty and awesomeness.

What would it look like for you to take the first steps toward caring for you? 

Maybe a mom retreat would be medicine for your soul? It can be hard to make time for self-care, but if we don’t prioritize it for ourselves, no one else will.

If you’re ready to take the next step in your self-care journey, get ready to plan a mom retreat! Read The Ultimate Guide to Planning an Amazing Mom Retreat. You’ll find specific tips and tools to help you make your mom retreat into reality.

Disclaimer: The information and resources mentioned here are intended for informational purposes only and to share my own personal experiences. It shouldn’t be seen as any kind of advice, or used to diagnose, treat, prevent, or cure any disease or condition. I am not a medical professional. Always consult with a medical professional for specific medical advice.